Clarisse Crémer : "My Vendée Globe is one big gift."

It's true that over the last four or five days Benjamin and I were in a race against the clock to get there on time, to get into the channel, all that, as the weather systems were coming one after the other, we were really flat out, and we just never had that moment of "ah, I'm just getting there on my round the world race", that little release.  And it all ended on a high note last night with the front, the finish line, I was also afraid of suddenly finding myself on the pontoon without really realising that I had completed a round the world race, but in the end, I'm even happy to have a little time at sea, I just have Alan (Roberts, editor's note, co-skipper in the Transat Jacques Vabre 2023) and Henri from my team on board, We chat, I debrief and I start to understand, and in the end it's very nice...

Oh yes it’s been quite something! My day started in 50 knots and ended in 60 knots in the middle of the night! And it's true that I had a bit of a moment when I learned that the Les Sables channel was npt going to happen, I found it very hard, I was in a moment "what am I doing here" and then there is Alan who calls me to tell me that I was going to have to go alone to La Rochelle. Luckily Alan and I know each other well and we have a great connection and he found the right words, I was so shocked at the time. I knew it was a possibility but my brain refused to accept it a little. The advantage is that the weather forced you to be focused, so I didn't have too much time to think about it either. It's a real shame for Benjamin (Dutreux), I had been cheering him on for a few hours so that he could do it, despite everything I was happy not to be completely alone in this mess! It really made me think of the Indiana Jones movies, when there's a trapdoor that closes in the temple and he gets his hat back and we all think he's going to have his hand stuck and in fact no, I was convinced that it was going to do the same for us, I had this image in my head all the time I don't know why, But no, we're not in a movie!

Finally it was very good, the front had passed over I was super safe under three reefs and storm jib it was not at all as stressful as before. I was emotionally really moved, so that was cool! And then finally the three hours to go to La Rochelle, I slept a little, I arrived at sunrise on top of that so it's very nice. In the end, it may not be as festive as arriving in Les Sables d'Olonne, but for my brain it's better. In the end, it's a soft landing, with not many people on the water. In the end, four years ago, I went from nothing to madness and it was really weird, so now it's more natural and it suits me well!

I'm happy yes, you can always find moments where you say to yourself "I could have done this or that", but I didn't make many mistakes. I've done some of course, but not big ones where you say to yourself "ohlalalalala, I screwed up!". In fact, I came mainly looking for personal goals that were difficult to describe in a way, kind of in relation to damage, performance, etc. And I fully achieved that so I'm really proud and super happy because in the end I hadn't had much opportunity to train on the water for four years, I didn't prepare as I would have liked, but despite everything, everything I prepared on land paid off, everything we did with the team worked, And all the maturity I gained paid off, I really felt it on the water. I asked myself 100,000 fewer questions, everything was so much simpler. Yes, I would have liked to have been in the top 10 but at the same time Benjamin was a little bit above me in level, and it was a great battle next to him, so I really don't have any regrets!

I always choose to share my emotions, because that's also what a Vendée Globe is all about. But I felt that I was more serene with all this. I let the emotions be there, when it was hard I accepted it, when I was happy I enjoyed it, and suddenly it was more livable and it required less energy to manage. In fact I just felt like I was older, well wiser, and that's super cool, I feel like I'm the same person but in a version that asks itself less questions and that had fun! This Vendée Globe was a huge gift to regain my self-confidence.

The end! Frankly, the last week was hard, I felt like I wasn't going to make it, that my body was at the end of itself... Compared to last time, I wasn't fooled when I rounded Cape Horn to say to myself, that's it, it's over. But when the first ones arrive, there's a part of your brain that switches, and you can't help but project yourself and say to yourself "come on, this might be the last time I'll send this sail..." It's not the right mood to stay focused. And then the intensity of this who finish scenario we went through five weather systems in one week with Benjamin! Everything else, I felt like it was just part of the game...

That was very hard as a competitor! Because I think I had my little move to play, I was a notch below where I could have been but I was there and with ifs in offshore racing you can really say anything, but really it's the moment when you shouldn't have had any damage, and those three hours I lost were exactly at the wrong time... It was hard to live with!

It's always very difficult, because it's full of little moments actually! But the moment when I was hysterical with joy was when I saw the albatrosses and the dolphins after Cape Horn, in this kind of calm... What I find quite crazy about foilers is that it's always hard work. Even when it's not that windy, in fact the boat is speeding, you can't enjoy the outdoors like on a daggerboard boat. And then from time to time there are these moments of calm, and at least you can be outside, there was just a little wind to move forward, I feel like it was like in a dream, it was way too much, I laughed like when there's no one to see you, it was crazy...

Yes, definitely! In my first Vendée Globe, what really nourished me was contemplation. I spent my time looking at the stars, the clouds, with music in my ears.  Now, I feel more like I've done a race, and a little less of an adventure. You're stuck in your cockpit, you can't see the sea, you spend more hours looking at your computer than the sea, I'm not proud of it but I don't see how to do otherwise in these machines at these speeds! That's what I find harder, because it was one less positive source, but the few moments when we could really be outside were crazy.

Yes, last time, I remember that over a whole day there was a reef to shake out and I didn't do it because I had no one nearby!  On this race I don't remember ever not doing a maneuver because I was too tired... Oh yes, I remember a gybe next to Sam that I didn't do, and I lost 30 miles! Immediate sanction... It doesn't mean sailing like an idiot, but it's that you're always at full throttle.

I've had four rather unusual years, I don't know what part of me has hung onto this Vendée Globe, even I can't explain it. I had 25 opportunities to stop everything, and it probably would have made my life a lot easier, but there was a part of me that didn't budge, and I followed that animal instinct, and each time, it was at sea that I found the answers and I said to myself "that's what I'm here for". But I am still unable to describe the "for that"! It's just that you know you have to be there! This Vendée Globe, from the first equator, I said to myself "it's okay, I've won all the battles, I'm here, and I'm making my life". I was supposed to be in this Vendée Globe, and even though these four years destroyed my self-confidence, now I did a giant 77-day therapy, and it feels so good!

Yes, it's not easy to work it out. I hope to have the brain working enough to find them! When you have something deep inside you and you know that it's right, that it's a source of joy, you just go all the way, no matter what sticks in the wheels, don't listen to people who have agendas from the past in their heads... It's a vision of life and society, we're here because we all have a story and mine is what it is, but I'd like it to at least serve that purpose.

It's so cool, I'm so happy for her! I was so sorry for her to see all the stuff about "the first woman", etc, but it's normal, it's logical. I went through this four years ago. Justine, her performance is just great in itself a way ahead of being a female performance, but it's always the same thing, and at the same time it's always true that there aren't enough of us and that we need to value women's careers! But Justine deserves it, she is solid, efficient. I don't know how to put it, but even when you look at her trace on the chart you feel it! So I'm very happy for her, and I'm very happy that she managed to stay at the head of the fleet until the end, she's had her share of damage and problems, so so good!

I have exchanged very little with the earth, almost only with my technical team. I once called my mom for ten minutes because she asked me! Poor thing, I'm horrible, sorry mom! I'm very selfish because I love receiving her messages, but I don't answer, I'm really an ungrateful girl... Otherwise, I had a lot of discussions with other sailors, quite a bit with the two Benjamins (Dutreux and Ferré, editor's note) in the race in particular, a little with Sam when we were next door, and then a little with Tanguy, but we were wary with Tanguy and I not to be too sentimental.

He had a great race and I'm not surprised. He's super versatile, it's impressive what he manages to do, he has a lot of problems but he manages them, he's lost a lot of sails, re-laminated whole bits of his boat... and yet he is in the game! I can feel him annoyed sometimes that he doesn't go faster, I hope he won't be too frustrated in terms of competition and that he won't waste his life too much for a few miles lost!

There is a part of me that protects myself that forces me not to think about it! There was a barrier that opened when Charlie arrived when I saw photos of him with his son, and I quickly tried to close it because it was too hard! And now, it is opening up again... I received a video from Lena this morning where she can be seen saying "looking for mom, looking for mommy" and waaaa.... I don't know how it's going to go, but it's something! I forbade myself to think about it, and I realize that since she was born I had been preparing for the idea of leaving her for three months. And now it's done, and I never allowed myself to imagine the other side of the chasm so I don't even dare to imagine how good it's going to be!